Wednesday, November 11, 2009
September 25th Journal Entry
I am walking in the hot, grainy sand, while each grain sticks between my damp toes. The loud, repetitive sound of the seagulls yelling out. The waves tearing through the water as they seem to be getting smaller and closer. The wind blowing each and every grain of sand, buoys blowing from side to side, kids screaming and shouting out joy. Kites of all shapes and sizes gliding through the air, people running, the sun beating down on me.
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First off, I am like so glad that you are a buckeye fan. I love Ohio State I was even born thing. Ok but anyways I really liked your piece. I thought that your vocabulary was really nice. Maybe next time use more sound words like caw for a seagull, or woosh for waves, and then repeat them to add affect. The piece was still very nice however
ReplyDeleteHey Matt,
ReplyDeleteNice entry.
I like the use of adjectives in the first sentence, and the repetition of "the".
I agree with amanda - try to use more sound words. They add to the effect.
By the way, wisconsin's band is better...
Hehe, I made a pattern with the x's and o's
ReplyDeleteThanks for the advice, I'll try to do that more often.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was kind of funny that in both journal entries you are walking. Maybe this has some special meaning. Anyways, this piece was very good because I could visualize what was happening in your perspective.
ReplyDeleteYou use a lot of repitition in your journal entries. You did a good job wih this.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever noticed that you start a lot of journal entries the same way? it is interesting, and I like it, but maybe try to change it up and you might find another cool way to begin, but good job it was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI felt like I was there. Really well written.
ReplyDelete